Catch up: Julia’s been finishing up the movie project she’s been working on and remarks upon the young people she’s working with and the things they DON’T UNDERSTAND because of the age difference. We talk about the radio we used to listen to back in the 70s on Maui. We talk about the rate of change in the past 20 years. Like when Sarah’s kids were born (1999 and 2003) she still took photos on film and had to have them printed to share. It was so different from having the luxury of digital photography and being able to take dozens of shots to get a good one and then just delete the bad ones.
Sarah resigned from her volunteer position this week, and while some people are disappointed in her, she ceases to have any fucks to give anymore. We talk about seeing the movie Fried Green Tomatoes, since Kathy Bates’ character has the classic line: “I’m older and I have more insurance!”
It’s Fall in LA, but that doesn’t mean it will be cold. And hey – are you the Pumpkin Spice type or not??
Bible Study – Chapter 9 – Sex in Menopause: Myths and Reality – from Dr. Christiane Northrup’s book The Wisdom of Menopause.
While we would not say we are not prudes, we are also not really exhibitionists, either, so we have been a bit reticent to talk about our sex lives. It does seem that people in their 70s and beyond are still quite sexually active, which is good to know.
Since we are both married, we discuss how there can be routines and unspoken rules in a marriage, but during menopause, as women are changing or evolving – as we know that we are – that has to affect the relationship in the marriage, even if our partners haven’t changed. And then add in kids to a marriage and it has to alter your sex life.
Dr. Northrup says in the chapter that sexual energy is also like Lust for Life, which we love the sound of. We were fans of Dr. Phil back in the day, and the opening for his show included a clip of him telling someone “I want you to get excited about your life,” which Sarah still thinks about and wants that for her kids – and for herself, her husband, friends. Everyone should have that!
Sarah tells the story of how the Mirena IUD was marketed to Moms as a way to have sex safely and at a moment’s notice – because as a Mom, that’s all the time you’re going to have. Julia talks about the IUD she had, called the Paraguard T380-A, which we decided sounded like a weapon – and we guess it kind of is.
The chapter has a list of ways to rebuild intimacy and get to know your partner again: 10 Steps to Rekindling Libido – and Julia quoted one of them: “ #3 Intimacy – Take time to make the personal connection. “One of the really nice things about midlife is that we often have more time to spend with our partners than ever before.” Julia was struck by how little that applies to her life right now because she has a 5 year old.
Sarah recalls when Dr. Northrup was on Oprah years ago and talked about how midlife women may find sex unappealing with their partners and may look to have an affair. She said that women reported improved sex lives with new partners but that she felt WE should become that new partner, not go out and have an affair. That we should do our evolving and bring that newness to our current relationship.
Julia has been working on her big life plans – and asking the big questions – like where we will we live, what do we want to do with our lives – and for the first time wondered “Do I want to die in this house?” She feels like she hasn’t been in this place before and that so many of these kind of things are coming up for her. And for many of us in midlife.
The chapter talks about Viagra (for men) and the issues relating to being connected to your heart and maybe not needing it so much, and masturbation (for everyone) plus we bring up romance novels and erotic fiction, aka “cliterature.” Of course some women need help with vaginal dryness and there are great lubes out there.
So we feel the Lust for Life is the best takeaway from this chapter.
Modern Menopause issue: where to store the lube or sex toys that the kids can’t find.
How Hot was Your Flash: Sarah had none and Julia had a few warm ones, but otherwise — all good.